So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
