we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
