So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.