I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.