how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
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No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit