Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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