She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
