i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i believe in u and ur pee
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
