I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
