I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
be right there i have to get my cape
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
