hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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