KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
