my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
