we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
