before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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