Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
