Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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