Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You are a genius and a whore.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
