next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
