the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
