Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
