I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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