My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
