I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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