If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
