he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
