Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
