in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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