I cannot find my penis.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just cropdusted the office
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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