Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
