Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
