Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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