my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
