Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
