Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
