I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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