Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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