He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
