1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
