Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
