your parents love me but you hate me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
