he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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