ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
