There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
