she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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