sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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