OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm getting married
To pizza
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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