you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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