I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
