I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
