My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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