im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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