The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
