Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
