His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
