Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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