i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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