and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
barbara walters just said penis...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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