He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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