Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
