Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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