i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
