booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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