i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
