I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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