Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
