the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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