she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
