i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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