you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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